Sunday, December 17, 2017

PTSD Proved Miracles Do Happen

Miracles Can Still Happen For You
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 17, 2017

When you want to give up, it is easy, but doing it is so much harder. You sit and think about your life this far. Most of the times you think about all the other times when you were hurt, used or forgotten about. You think about times when you were broke and broken. 

The thing that you should be remembering is all those times when you thought you had no hope, and then came a miracle out of nowhere.
In this life of mine this far, I've experienced many of those times when I just wanted to give up on everything. A few times, I wanted to give up on life itself.

There is one time I had such soul crushing pain, I wanted to give up on the biggest part of me. The work I do for veterans and families. Yes, I know but last year, it seemed as if being hurt was happening a lot more often than being helpful to others.
This is a tough job. Not just tracking these stories but the work I do as part of Point Man International Ministries

It is the same thing I've done for over 3 decades. I don't tell their stories because they are not my story to tell.  Besides, I always believed that any minor miracle created in a veteran's life, came from God and the veteran. I'm not smart enough to say have the things that come out of my mouth. My brain doesn't work that fast. But the story I'm going to share proves how fast God does work and yes, yes miracles still happen.
"Here I am just waiting for a sign. Asking questions, learning all the time.It's always here, it's always there. It's just love, and miracles out of nowhere." Kansas
Last year a woman got up during a meeting and said she was the one to do something about the "22 suicides a day" after a member of the group committed suicide. She had no clue about anything. What made it worse, was for all the years she knew me, she didn't even think of all I had done.

Easy guess is that she didn't even know that having PTSD was a miracle because all the veterans she thought she could "fix" had already proven it by surviving the cause of PTSD.

I sat there, crushed by the fact a young veteran took his own life and I didn't even have a chance to help him. Then this person added more weight to my pain.
The next day I called Dana, the President of Point Man, told him what happened asked him to pray for me during the leaders conference call that night.

Dana was shocked that after all those years, I wanted to give up on something that had become a part of me.

I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up, feeling a little better, pretty sure the leaders prayed for me. But there was still that "why is this still happening to me" popping in and out of my brain.

I went to talk to a woman I worked with, knowing how she was one of the rare real Christians, loving, caring and had strong faith.

I told her what was going on so she could give it to her prayer group. I just needed to know if I was supposed to give up or keep doing the work I always knew I was supposed to do.

As I talked about my own pain, I cried. She told me about a friend and I explained some things about why he was the way he was, and I stopped crying. When I started to tell her what she could do to help him, that weight on my soul lifted.

It did not dawn on me what just happened until I was driving home from work. God worked that fast! If this work is about me, then, it sucked hope out of my heart. When it was about the veterans, my pain left and theirs came in. I knew what I was supposed to do with my mini-miracle being answered. I knew whatever came from that point on, I could take it because I am doing what I am supposed to do.

I called Dana and gave him the news. He wanted to know when I'd thank my friend. I told him as soon as she got into work.

The next morning, I went in, told her what happened, and she started to laugh. I was pretty shocked by that but when I asked her why she was laughing, she said, "You don't get it. As soon as you started talking, I started praying." I said "Wow He does work fast!"

That answer, that mini-miracle in my life was supported by what came next when a veteran was in crisis and I was able to help him. I wondered what would have happened if I had given up because of what that woman did. A few other veterans came after that, again, a reminder of the difference between wanting to give up and actually doing it.

I've been through some really hard times in my life but those times did not defeat me. There is a reason giving up is such a hard thing to do, no matter what it is, because experience has taught all of us that no matter how hard it gets, something always happens to remind us of all the other times miracles came out of nowhere.

My Christmas wish for you is that you see there is nothing weak within you at all. You survived it, so do it again.

Miracles Out Of Nowhere
Kansas
On a crystal morning I can see the dewdrops falling
Down from a gleaming heaven, I can hear the voices call
When you comin' home now, son, the world is not for you
Tell me what's your point of view
Hey there Mister Madman, what'cha know that I don't know
Tell me some crazy stories, let me know who runs this show
Glassy-eyed and laughing, he turns and walks away
Tell me what made you that way
Here I am just waiting for a sign
Asking questions, learning all the time
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love, and miracles out of nowhere
Tell me now dear mother, what's it like to be so old
Children grown and leavin', seems the world is growin' cold
And though your body's ailin' you
Your mind is just like new
Tell me where you're goin' to
Here I am just waiting for a sign
Asking questions, learning all the time
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love, and miralces out of nowhere
It's so simple right before your eyes
If you'll look through this disguise
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love and miracles out of nowhere
I sang this song a hundred, maybe a thousand years ago
No one ever listens, I just play and then I go
Off into the sunset like the western heroes do
Tell me what you're gonna do
Here I am, I'm sure to see a sign
All my life I knew that it was mine
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love and miracles out of nowhere
Songwriters: Kerry Livgren / Kerry A Livgren
Miracles Out Of Nowhere lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC