We know these things are true

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 2, 2024

The knowledge that it happened to innocent people caused what we know as PTSD because they knew it could happen again...and they could be next.

Going through a hard time has been rough.  I wanted to stop watching the news. It's just too depressing. I've been binge-watching series on Netflix and Amazon to escape reality. (Or at least I try to.) I just finished watching the series Reign on Netflix. It is a great series with good actors. It is also a prime example of how religion has been used by powerful people to get whatever they wanted out of it. It is fascinating that Queen Mary was besieged because of her Catholic faith by Protestants. Both faiths claimed to belong to Jesus yet proved they only used His name. Had they truly followed Him, they would be more interested in what they could give than gain. It is still happening and turning people away from anything religious. The truth is, we have the power within us to stay connected to God without ever having to enter into a building.

“There is no greatness where simplicity, goodness, and truth are absent”

― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

Reality reminded me of what Tolstoy wrote about "simplicity, goodness, and truth." I wonder where all that is when so many use the need for them to cause the opposite result. 

Over and over again we've seen something good corrupted by others for the power it yields. Their actions never produced good outcomes. It required the actions of good people standing up with good intentions along with bravery to attempt it.

Most of us have encountered people using their beliefs against us. They believe strange things. I've heard that our suffering came from God's judgment against us. Others claimed He was testing us. They believe that "God only gives us what we can handle." That is not as comforting as believing God gives us what we need to handle it. When we survive the cause of our PTSD, we know that help came when we least expected it just as the event came without warning. 

We know these things are true because of our experiences and what we've learned from history.

The Salem Witch trials have been the subject of countless books and movies. What's been missing from the fictional accounts are people finding the courage to take a stand against all of it. History claims that the trials ended because Governor Phips stopped them after his wife was charged.

As accusations of witchcraft spiraled, even Phips' own wife, Lady Mary Phips, was named as a witch. Soon after that, in October of 1692, Phips ordered spectral evidence and testimony would no longer suffice to convict suspects in future trials. Three weeks later Phips prohibited further arrests of witches, released 49 of the 52 of the accused witches still in prison, and dismissed the Court of Oyer and Terminer. In May of 1693, Phips pardoned the remaining suspected witches still in prison.

Religion was used to cover up greed and rhetoric designed to fuel fear was followed up by charges and arrests. History focuses on the 20 people killed but hardly mentions the other 200 arrested, jailed, and tormented before they were released.

During the Salem Witch Trials of 1692, more than 200 people were accused of practicing witchcraft. Twenty of those people were executed, most by hanging. One man was pressed to death under heavy stones, the only such state-sanctioned execution of its kind. Dozens suffered under inhumane conditions as they waited in jail for months without trials; many of the imprisoned were also tortured, and at least one died in jail before the hysteria abated in 1693.

The fictional accounts never compare to the reality of the horrors the people faced during and after the trials ended. Faith was being tested by God but by humans.

In June 1630 the Arbella sailed for New England with 300 English Puritans determined to establish “a Model of Christian Charity.” During the ten-week passage across the Atlantic, passengers were confined to narrow quarters for ten weeks, living on short rations and without comfort. During the following decade, the Great Migration brought nearly 14,000 Puritan settlers, successful, mostly highly educated persons unprepared for the hardships that awaited them. Building a new society in the wilderness while surrounded by wild animals and hostile Indians induced transgenerational trauma and psychological symptoms that we now recognize as post-traumatic stress and mass conversion disorder, culminating in the Salem Witch Trials. (PTSD in the Massachusetts Bay Colony)

The knowledge that it happened to innocent people caused what we know as PTSD because they knew it could happen again...and they could be next. How did all the terror end? People found the courage to stop it. That's the way our suffering ends today. We take a stand to prevent it from inflicting more pain. It begins when we stop being ashamed of what surviving did to us.

We know the pain others are feeling because we remember the pain we felt. We remember what it was like to lose hope that our lives would ever be better than the miserable way we were living. We also remember what it was like finally hearing we were not alone because others spoke up about what they were going through. We remember what it was like when someone helped us heal because they remembered what it was like for them.

We want to feel as if we belong so we seek out others. Are they the wrong ones? Yes, if you are trying to find people who will understand you, but have yet to learn about what you're going through. Trying to fit in with them should wait until you've healed. Seek out others in the club no one wants to belong to but needs to be there as survivors. They will help you heal so that PTSD does not control your whole life and you can help others too.

That's why I wrote the Ministers Of The Mystery series. For May, all three are being offered for free as ebooks. All I ask is that if you find hope for yourself and a greater understanding of how much power you do have within you, is that you leave a review and pass it on to others because you know what they are going through too. 

The Scribe Of Salem

The Visionary Of Salem

13th Minister Of Salem

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 15, 2024

#PTSD made us aware monsters are real, so are miracles!

The Scribe Of Salem by Kathie Costos

Ministers Of The Mystery series is a different view of the supernatural world, spiritual powers, secret societies, and conspiracy.

Chris did not doubt what he was supposed to do with his life. He was supposed to become a priest to minister to the people. It was not until his senior year of high school he questioned it. He became a reporter to reach more people than he could in a church. He still loved God.

After three life-threatening events, his thoughts of miracles and God changed into, “that He’s a vindictive son of a bitch playing around with people’s lives and making us suffer for fun."

Why did I have to write these books?

I know monsters are real. They are not just in supernatural shows I watch or books I read. Some of them came after me. Others tried to take over my life. So why do I love that genre so much? It may seem screwed up to you, but it is because there is a supernatural book that is also a part of me, and that is the Bible. I find it fascinating that there is so much in it, you will never hear in a church sermon. The more hidden treasures I found, the more I turned away from organized religious practices and dogma. Religions, no matter which one, have been used to control others and corrupted by humans. Spirituality is up to the individual to answer for themselves. It is about doing the right thing for no reason other than the right thing to do. It feeds the spirit in us.

It may seem odd to you but that is exactly what Jesus taught. Today Christianity has been corrupted by so many that it is unrecognizable to what He established.

If you are Christian, can you also be spiritual? Yes, and it is required. Jesus said His followers needed to pray by their spirits because that is what His Father is. What gets me is when they do not seem to grasp how supernatural elements are all over the Bible. They call them miracles but do not focus on the power behind them.

I am a Christian, but not religious because I no longer attend church. We're put into a category called "nones," or spiritual but not religious. I believe like most in having a soul but found it starved by organized religious rules.

"What Jesus meant when he said his kingdom is not of this world and is to be found within, is largely forgotten. In short, the church lacks radical alternatives and spiritual depth." Mark Vernon

While I was active in a Greek Orthodox Church most of my life it fed my connection to God and Jesus. Faith to me was as natural as breathing. It didn't matter what happened to me when I was suffering because of what others did while wondering why it all happened, I never once doubted the existence of God. He did not do any of it to me but saved me each and every time. I taught Sunday School, sang in the choir and served on committees. I dreamed of becoming a priest but as a woman, that wasn't allowed. I thought about changing my affiliation to another branch of the faith, but it seemed wrong to me. Later in life I worked for a Presbyterian Church as Administrator of Christian Education. Long story shortened, I ended up leaving church life all together because the division between people following the same Bible and claiming to be followers of Jesus no longer made sense to me.

As I studied the Bible more, it became clear that the rules and dogma were about people using faith for their own purposes. While I do believe the Bible was inspired by God, I also believe it was written by human interpretation of what knowledge God gave them. The other thing I noticed in all of the people considered to be heroes, were all flawed and messed up what they were supposed to do. Their spirits were sent with supernatural gifts to achieve their purpose. And so were we.

Over 40 years ago I started to help people heal after surviving life ending threats spiritually because that's how I healed after over 10 of them. In a way, I ended up doing what my spirit was sent to do in a different way than I thought I was supposed to do. There is no earthly reason to explain what God gave me and the churches wanted nothing to do with any of it. Their ambivalence only stopped me from wanting to be a part of them but did not pull me away from God. Walking away from religious buildings pulled me closer to God spiritually.  

I needed a new way of delivering the same message but could not think of a way to do it. I prayed, and prayed and then prayed some more. The prayer was answered and the result was the Ministers Of The Mystery series. It blends everything I am and know with what I enjoy to read and watch.  

Supernatural books, movies, and shows I watch seem to be centered on good people going up against evil people. The evil ones have the powers while the good ones are only human. In the show, Supernatural brothers Dean and Sam fight monsters with no supernatural powers of their own until both of them are taken over by evil. Their friend, Cas, is a flawed angel trying to do good but messing up all the time. Grimm is another show capturing the same theme of good versus evil but Nick has a supernatural ability to see the monsters no one else can see. Both series tend to use occult references more than they use Biblical ones, yet the Bible is full of supernatural accounts.

The Scribe Of Salem, Visionary Of Salem and 13th Minister Of Salem are fictional but based on scriptures few hear of in the walls of the building while listening to a sermon. If you read the ebooks, you'll find the links to the scripture backing it up. The series is about suffering and healing #PTSD with the help of people sent to support others. A new view of a conspiracy by a secret society committed to doing good in this world with supernatural powers given to them by God.

With so many books out there it's time to give them away as a guide to discover the power you were born with to do good in this world too. The eBook of The Scribe Of Salem is free until the end of April. If you read it, please let me know what you think by leaving a review or comment. When my life gets back to strangely normal, I will be working on the 4th book and want to know what you think about the way it all started.

What do good people do?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 4, 2024

Is this April 4th in New Hampshire or is Mother Nature late for April Fools Day?

It is scary with the heavy snow and wild wind. Yet, amidst all that, people are checking in to see if those they care about are okay. That's what good people do out of love. My neighbor walked across the street to pull that huge branch out of the middle of the street. That's what good people do.

Think about when the second after you survived whatever started #PTSD in you. Good people showed up to ensure you were safe as soon as they knew you were in need. Good people show up in higher numbers than those who harmed you. I know that's the way it was for me over and over again.

We all have a choice to focus on the "storms" in our lives and the damage done or the good that came out after the storm ended. If you hold onto the cause it will fill you with anger, and resentment and cause you to lose hope for healing. 

If you see that you matter to others, even strangers, then you can see you should matter to yourself. There is no need to settle for suffering instead of healing and becoming happy again. No need to be ashamed of the struggles you keep hidden from others when sharing it can allow them to help you and get the road clear for you to heal.

I can't believe how much this hurts

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 26, 2024

Sometimes I hear something that takes me back to the worst times of my life. Don't Tell Me song by Disturbed is one of them.

I close my eyes and still hear the screams

That would tear apart our world

I keep reliving everything

I can't believe how much this hurts
Disturbed - Don't Tell Me (feat. Ann Wilson) [Official Music Video]

Most marriages are hard. It isn't easy adjusting to being a couple. It is even harder to live together. My husband and I married 40 years ago this year. We've been together for 42 years. I guess that proves #PTSD doesn't have to end a love story.

I remember when I had to learn about it at the library by reading clinical books and flipping through a dictionary to understand what the words meant. The younger generation finds the answers no matter where they are or if they are still wearing their pajamas. We can too now but we should understand that had it not been for seniors like us, they wouldn't know much at all. I learned from the experts. I learned from others when I got my first computer in the 90's. The ability to connect to people around the world was like a miracle. Even today I am astonished by how many other people are looking for answers as much as they are searching for hope.  

I remember when I was shocked to discover how much it hurt to see PTSD take over our lives. I had no clue what it was or why any of it was happening. I am still grateful my Dad was a Korean War veteran and knew what it was from another name, Shell Shock. When I asked him what it meant, all he could tell me was that it had to do with war. Then he told me to go to the library. Little did he know that's what started the quest. Over 40 years later, I am still learning.

The thing is, no matter what generation you are in, you can learn enough about it to find hope that it can get better. It doesn't matter if you're dealing with it from wars or dangerous jobs or as a survivor of other events. All that matters is that you love them enough to seek a way to understand them, instead of judging them. Guessing why they changed will cause you to jump to all kinds of conclusions. Most of the time you end up believing it is more about how they feel about you, than how they feel about themselves. If you misunderstand the changes, it will only get worse until you discover how much power both of you have to change it all for the better.

Then you'll be saying I can't believe how much stronger you are!

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 23, 2024

I successfully failed!

When it feels as if your life has gotten so crappy, there is nothing good left to see, it makes it suck all the more. I was stuck dwelling on all the things I failed with. All my mistakes, misfortunes, and support of the wrong people rusted away hope. If you search about rusted metal, you'll find most results are focused on how to remove the rust. Some are about creating rust on metal because they like the look of it.

I looked at what my life was like, and went over all the things I felt were failures. The biggest one was when I was successful in helping people learn about PTSD and now it feels as if I failed. How many people I helped stopped mattering when I was reading about more and more suffering instead of healing. I felt like a failure because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't make enough of a difference to make a difference in their lives. Not being given a chance to help them ate my spirit like rust. Then I read old emails to remind me that while I failed to change the world, I managed to change it for those who gave me a chance to help them.

I felt better. Then I took a different look at other things to view failures with wide-open eyes. It turns out that some failures were actually successes to be proud of.

I failed to blame other people.

I failed to judge others instead of what they did.

I failed to hate anyone.

I failed to give up easily.

I failed to give up all hope.

I failed to stop finding reasons to laugh.

I failed to stop finding reasons to love.

You see where I'm going with this. When I looked at failures differently, I felt better about myself and what my life has turned into. I realized I can only control what I do because I cannot control anyone else. We are all accountable to ourselves. No one can control others and we shouldn't attempt to do the impossible. We can encourage, comfort, support, and show compassion, or we can beat down, hurt, push away, and hate. That last part will turn against us filled us with resentment. The first part will fill us with a power that can overcome whatever negativity we carry.

Most of us dwell on what happened to us when someone or something wrong happened. That isn't helpful. It is harmful like rust. Try to focus more on when people came to help you when you needed help the most. Let those memories feed your spirit. No matter what you see in your own life, there is always a different way to view it. I like the view from here.