What Color Star Should a Military Spouse Get

The following was written by a woman of great courage and compassion. Her courage is evident in this heartbreaking article. Her compassion is known to me because she is a good friend. Carissa founded Military Spouses for Change and then later, renamed it to Military Spouses of America. I was on the board of directors and very proud of all the work Carissa did, and still does for military families.

Most of the time when a spouse talks, it is long after the service member has left the military. It is when they feel free to open up. In this case, Carissa is still living on Fort Hood with her children, opening herself up to more judgments and attacks because she lifts the curtain, letting the rest of us know how hard it is on military families. Too often forgotten when we report on the rates of PTSD, suicides and attempted suicides, we forget about the families they leave behind, just as we forget about the fact half of civilian marriages end in divorce without half the problems the military families have. I am also sure many military spouses will feel grateful she did this, said what they would not dare talk about.

The next time you read a story about how grateful Americans should be for those willing to serve this country, maybe, just maybe, you can also offer a prayer of thanks for the families standing where few will ever see.

What Color Star Should a Military Spouse Get?....
by Carissa S. Picard

"There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?" Robert Francis Kennedy
The U.S. Army, Fort Hood, and War in Iraq from the perspective of an activist Army Spouse


"The blood and tears shed in houses back home aren't tallied by the Department of Defense even though these losses are casualties of the same wars that were being ‘fought over there' so they wouldn't ‘be fought over here.' I think the...reasoning was fundamentally flawed. Both wars are being fought on two fronts, but America only recognizes one." Carissa S. Picard, Esq.
Ironically, it would be at the largest military installation in the United States that I would come to know loneliness and isolation better than the man who brought me there. This stranger who was rarely home was the very person who "defined" me as well as justified my presence at Fort Hood. Once I married Caynan, I was no longer Carissa, I was Caynan's wife.

My tasks, outside of raising our children, generally revolved around the navigation of the unspoken interstitial space of the Army wife-being neither here nor there, neither this nor that. Or, put more plainly, learning how to live your life when you are no longer a civilian, but you are not a soldier either.

I wasn't a photograph, I was its negative. I wasn't sure what I was anymore, but I always knew what I wasn't. I wasn't a practicing attorney. My license was in Maryland. I wasn't a voice for myself, my family, or other military families. Soldiers speak for their families. I wrote the occasional blog or op-ed, until my husband threatened to divorce me if the writing didn't stop. Advocacy from within was a career killer. Apparently, it was a marriage killer as well.

Every species has to adapt or die. In my muddled attempts to survive the last eight years, I learned to engage in covert warfare, practice collateral damage control, manipulate pain management, and master the rules of dis-engagement. Landmines abound and I am not without battle scars.

The blood and tears shed in houses back home aren't tallied by the Department of Defense even though these losses are casualties of the same wars that were being "fought over there" so they wouldn't "be fought over here." I think the Administration's reasoning was fundamentally flawed. Both wars are being fought on two fronts, but America only recognizes one.
read more here
http://www.veteranstoday.com/article9953.html

Proud to announce Military Spouses of America new site

Dear Friends and Colleagues:
I am pleased to announce that Military Spouses for Change (MSC) is now Military Spouses of America (MSA). MSA seeks to be a voice for the American military spouse and her family, in a MEANINGFUL way. MSA will help our spouses understand and utilize all resources available to them, both within the Departments of Defense and VA (if applicable) and outside of them. MSA will also encourage spouses to share their insight and experiences with each other, DoD leadership, elected officials, and the American public.
Why? Because Military Spouses of America believes (and is committed to promoting) the following facts:
1. Family readiness is vital to mission readiness.
2. The well-being of the spouse cannot be divorced from the well-being of the servicemember or veteran (and vice-versa).
3. Both the military and veteran communities benefit from well-informed and well-connected military spouses.
4. The spouses of servicemembers and veterans face unique challenges--challenges for which spouses can, and have, come up with the most effective and creative solutions (individually and collectively).
5. Servicemembers are not the only veterans in military marriages!
Military Spouses of America can be found at www.militaryspousesofamerica.org.
Please make a note of this change and pass this on to anyone you know who may be interested in our organization. Our site also provides fairly in-depth information on PTSD and TBI (as those are issues of particular importance to our community in this time of prolonged military conflict).Take care,Carissa-- Carissa Picard, Esq.PresidentMilitary Spouses of Americawww.militaryspousesofamerica.org

I am on the Board of Directors and have been excited about this for a while but I was waiting for the new site to be up and for Carissa to announce it publicly. She has been working tirelessly to get this up and running.

I will be doing a Q & A session every night very soon where you can ask questions and get some insight to help you understand what is "normal" with PTSD and to learn a lot easier than I did.

What a lot of people do not understand is that older veterans and their families made all the mistakes already and found out what works to live with PTSD in their lives. This is not hopeless, marriages do not have to fall apart and end if love is there and you have the tools to help you navigate through all the changes it brings. Naturally as a Chaplain I can, and probably will more often than not, address the spiritual issues that lead to reconnecting with God and your own faith, or finding faith when you had none before.

Keep in mind that I am not a minister, so I don't push one faith over another nor do I recommend one branch of Christianity over another. I'm too complicated for that. I'm Greek Orthodox, which is a minority in the Christian faith but is the oldest, so I tend to stay out of supporting one denomination over others. As a Chaplain, I'm here to address spiritual needs as you are and where you are spiritually. So if you happen to be of another faith, I will address the faith you have as well as I can. Your spirit called you to your faith for a reason.

The only thing I stay away from as much as possible is medication. That's for your doctor to decide and not someone like me. Your body is too complicated for me to recommend any medication over any others. I will post up warnings when I see them and will post stories on medications but I draw the line on what I will and will not say.

I am not in competition with the VA psychologist and social workers. My job is to get you to understand what PTSD is so you go to them for help and above all, get enough of them there so they are there to help you.

Please go to the new site for Military Spouse of America and go over the pages. A lot of information there. I'll post up when the Q & A begins. Hope to see you there.