Local Marine starts Project Guardian Angel
HOPE HODGE
Stumble out of a Jacksonville night spot with keys in your hand, and you just might be met with a friendly question and a pop breathalyzer test.
Robbie Johnson, a Marine corporal with Camp Lejeune’s Headquarters and Support Battalion, is the founder of a new organization, Project Guardian Angel, designed to ensure that troops have no excuse for getting behind the wheel after a night of drinking.
The organization is in the process of securing 501(c)3 nonprofit status, Johnson said, and is an answer for those Marines and sailors who might be worried about using the base’s Arrive Alive program for transportation.
“Marines (sometimes) don’t want to use it because they don’t want their commands to think they’re alcoholics, or they don’t want to return to the barracks,” Johnson said. “We give them someone to have their back and help them make those choices.”
In Project Guardian Angel, the name of the game is stealth. A team of five volunteers will enter a club around 9 p.m. on a weekend night, Johnson said, hanging out and chatting with the clientele — but not drinking.
Around 11 p.m., when people begin to leave, the volunteers will tactfully approach those who look like they’ve had too much and encourage them not to drive. For those who protest that they’re fine, volunteers can produce an individual breathalyzer test. If the Marine or sailor is over the legal limit, another team of volunteers has vehicles waiting outside, ready to transport him or her to a destination of choice.
read more here
Local Marine starts Project Guardian Angel
Monday, August 2, 2010
Oviedo church devastated with loss of father and three sons
From left, Nathan McConnell, Roy McConnell, Kelly McConnell and Roy McConnell III (Facebook)
"He was not a Christian when he started coming to church," said MacLaren. "He sat in the back and he folded his arms. Yet he ended up being one of our most passionate people in the church, about ministry and Jesus." University Carillon United Methodist Church in Oviedo
Police: Orlando man, three sons killed by drunken driver who ran red light
By Susan Jacobson, Sara K. Clarke and Linda Shrieves, Orlando Sentinel
10:11 p.m. EDT, August 1, 2010
Four members of an Orlando family on a beach vacation were killed early Sunday morning when a drunken driver ran a red light and slammed into their car in St. Petersburg, police said.
Elroy "Roy" McConnell, 51, an accountant and triathlete, was at the wheel of a Ford Fusion about 12:45 a.m. when a speeding southbound Chevrolet Impala ran the light on Dr. Martin Luther King Street North at 22nd Avenue North, St. Petersburg police said.
McConnell, 51, and his sons, Elroy "Roy" McConnell III, 28, of Pineville, La.; Nathan McConnell, 24, of Orlando; and Kelly McConnell, 19, of Orlando were pronounced dead at the scene. The collision propelled their car into a large support beam for a sign.
The driver of the Impala, Demetrius D. Jordan, 20, was arrested on four counts of DUI manslaughter, along with DUI causing serious bodily injury and possession of alcohol by a minor. Jordan and a passenger in his car, Mario D. Robinson, 20, were taken to Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg with serious injuries.
read more here
Orlando man three sons killed by drunken driver
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Cooling Glitch Sets Off Alarms on Space Station
Cooling Glitch Sets Off Alarms on Space Station
Terence Neilan
(Aug. 1) -- Alarms woke up the six astronauts circling the globe in the International Space Station after a cooling system broke down, but NASA said today that the crew was not in any danger.
"It's pretty clear that we're going to want to have a course of action to take as quickly as possible. This is not something we want to linger over," the NASA spokesman at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Rob Navias, told Reuters.
If attempts to fix the problem onboard are not successful, NASA said in a statement that two spacewalks might be needed this week to replace a pump module that sends ammonia through the station's two cooling systems.
After the first failure of one of the cooling systems on Saturday a crew member set to work to fix it so that the other system, which serves as a backup, didn't power down as well. The cooling loops serve to cut down on heat generated by equipment on the station, a $100 billion project supported by 16 countries.
Tracy Caldwell Dyson worked on the problem while the rest of the crew went back to bed, The Associated Press reported.
read more here
Cooling Glitch Sets Off Alarms on Space Station
Terence Neilan
(Aug. 1) -- Alarms woke up the six astronauts circling the globe in the International Space Station after a cooling system broke down, but NASA said today that the crew was not in any danger.
"It's pretty clear that we're going to want to have a course of action to take as quickly as possible. This is not something we want to linger over," the NASA spokesman at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Rob Navias, told Reuters.
If attempts to fix the problem onboard are not successful, NASA said in a statement that two spacewalks might be needed this week to replace a pump module that sends ammonia through the station's two cooling systems.
After the first failure of one of the cooling systems on Saturday a crew member set to work to fix it so that the other system, which serves as a backup, didn't power down as well. The cooling loops serve to cut down on heat generated by equipment on the station, a $100 billion project supported by 16 countries.
Tracy Caldwell Dyson worked on the problem while the rest of the crew went back to bed, The Associated Press reported.
read more here
Cooling Glitch Sets Off Alarms on Space Station
650 Massachusetts National Guards head to Afghanistan but not one picture?
Sorry but this article is about 650 National Guardsmen/women, being sent to Afghanistan leaving behind families and friends. You'd think that in this couple of paragraphs of reporting, AP could have snapped a picture or two or bothered to tell some kind of story to match this deployment, but this is common now. At least they did report on it. I lived in Massachusetts all my life before the move to Florida and I am just as upset when Florida National Guards/Reservists are forgotten about.
Thousands send off 181st Infantry to Afghanistan
By Associated Press
Sunday, August 1, 2010
WORCESTER - Thousands of family members and friends have given a send-off to more than 650 soldiers headed for Afghanistan where they will provide security and help build public works projects.
The soldiers of the Massachusetts National Guard’s 1st Battalion 181st Infantry Regiment left Sunday at a Commerce Bank Field ceremony in Worcester. About 5,000 friends and relatives and Gov. Deval Patrick participated.
The Massachusetts National Guard’s commitment is highest since World War II. More than 1,200 soldiers from Massachusetts serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. This deployment brings the number to nearly 1,900.
go here for more
Thousands send off 181st Infantry to Afghanistan
Iraq veteran found fabricating stories about Iraq and Ground Zero
Honored Iraq veteran from Verona is found fabricating stories
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Mark Mueller/The Star-Ledger
VERONA — On Memorial Day, as Americans honored the nation’s war dead, Angelo Otchy bowed his head to accept a medal from officials in Verona for his sacrifice and service.
The 35-year-old Army veteran told a reporter that day about his three tours of duty in Iraq. Voice dropping to a near-hush, he spoke, too, about the buried bomb that ripped through his Humvee, injuring him and claiming the lives of three friends, one of them a soldier from Paterson.
“I’m haunted by that day every day of my life,” Otchy told The Star-Ledger.
But Otchy wasn’t in that Humvee. He was at home in New Jersey when the soldiers died. And he didn’t serve three tours of duty in Iraq. He served half of one tour before he was sent back to the States for extended rest and relaxation.
A Star-Ledger examination of Otchy’s claims — including a review of Army records and interviews with military officials, members of his battalion and the blasted Humvee’s lone survivor — show the Verona man fabricated his story.
Otchy’s uncle, a retired Army colonel who now works as a surgeon in Fairfax, Va., alerted The Star-Ledger two weeks ago to the discrepancies in his nephew’s background. Daniel Otchy called his nephew a troubled man who has been in and out of the military all of his adult life and has a need to seek affirmation.
“I have always tried to support my nephew,” he said, “but what he’s done here is just not right.”
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Mark Mueller/The Star-Ledger
VERONA — On Memorial Day, as Americans honored the nation’s war dead, Angelo Otchy bowed his head to accept a medal from officials in Verona for his sacrifice and service.
The 35-year-old Army veteran told a reporter that day about his three tours of duty in Iraq. Voice dropping to a near-hush, he spoke, too, about the buried bomb that ripped through his Humvee, injuring him and claiming the lives of three friends, one of them a soldier from Paterson.
“I’m haunted by that day every day of my life,” Otchy told The Star-Ledger.
But Otchy wasn’t in that Humvee. He was at home in New Jersey when the soldiers died. And he didn’t serve three tours of duty in Iraq. He served half of one tour before he was sent back to the States for extended rest and relaxation.
A Star-Ledger examination of Otchy’s claims — including a review of Army records and interviews with military officials, members of his battalion and the blasted Humvee’s lone survivor — show the Verona man fabricated his story.
Otchy’s uncle, a retired Army colonel who now works as a surgeon in Fairfax, Va., alerted The Star-Ledger two weeks ago to the discrepancies in his nephew’s background. Daniel Otchy called his nephew a troubled man who has been in and out of the military all of his adult life and has a need to seek affirmation.
“I have always tried to support my nephew,” he said, “but what he’s done here is just not right.”
Doubt also has been cast on claims Otchy made Sept. 11, 2001, when he was interviewed by reporters near a triage station along the West Side Highway in Lower Manhattan.
Dressed in camouflage fatigues, he said he was a New Jersey Army National Guard soldier who had been conducting search-and-rescue operations atop the ruins of the collapsed Twin Towers.
“I must have come across body parts by the thousands,” Otchy said. His comments, captured by television cameras and picked up in an Associated Press report, were carried in newspapers around the world, translated into German, Japanese and Afrikaans.
A slightly longer account would later be published in the book “America’s Heroes,” about the response of rescue workers on 9/11.
Records show Otchy wasn’t in the National Guard in 2001. In addition, Otchy’s uncle said his nephew told him he didn’t work on the pile at Ground Zero.read more here
Combined medal count for the Middle East wars past 835,000
Medal awards spike in June
By Jim Tice - Staff writer
Posted : Sunday Aug 1, 2010 10:37:38 EDT
A June surge of awards and decorations for redeploying soldiers in Iraq has pushed the combined medal count for the Middle East wars past 835,000, the third largest total in Army history.
The service’s most recent accounting of awards shows 597 medals were awarded for Afghanistan service in June, and 11,999 for Iraq.
The Afghanistan total is about half as large as the monthly average for that nearly 10-year war, while the monthly total for Iraq is unusually large, about one-third larger than normal.
By Jim Tice - Staff writer
Posted : Sunday Aug 1, 2010 10:37:38 EDT
A June surge of awards and decorations for redeploying soldiers in Iraq has pushed the combined medal count for the Middle East wars past 835,000, the third largest total in Army history.
The service’s most recent accounting of awards shows 597 medals were awarded for Afghanistan service in June, and 11,999 for Iraq.
The Afghanistan total is about half as large as the monthly average for that nearly 10-year war, while the monthly total for Iraq is unusually large, about one-third larger than normal.
The Army began awarding medals for Afghanistan and other Operation Enduring Freedom locations in December 2001. As of early July, the count was 154,177.
The Operation Iraqi Freedom medal count began in March 2003 and now stands at 681,351read more here
Veterans find some peace where the river runs deep
Veterans find some peace where the river runs deep
Far from the battlefield but still in pain, they seek refuge
By Brian MacQuarrie
Globe Staff
August 1, 2010
UPTON, Maine — Under a canopy of towering pines, the fly-fishermen snap their arms forward, over and over, with balletic finesse. The men, who bear scars you can see and scars you can’t, focus solely on their lines, as the rhythm of the river runs through them.
Here on the banks of the Rapid River, deep in the woods of far western Maine, these veterans have found refuge from the wars that still haunt them.
“It’s the flow,’’ Army veteran John Rogers, a paraplegic since 2004, said of the river’s medicine. “It’s the sound. Continual, eternal . . . soothing.’’
They have come for the quiet repetition of fly-fishing, and also for each other, new comrades still struggling after service in Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan. During a week at Forest Lodge here, they sleep in bunks, swap stories around a campfire, and learn fishing techniques from volunteer guides, almost all of whom are also veterans.
They arrive as strangers and leave as friends.
“The last weeks, I’ve been having a real tough time,’’ said Alan Johnston, an Army veteran from Windsor, Maine, whose body and life were shattered by an Iraqi suicide bomber in 2004. “But coming out here with the vets is the best therapy there is.’’
Johnston, who received a medal from General David Petraeus for saving lives while wounded, has lost portions of his lungs, endured multiple operations, battled depression, and expects to visit doctors about 250 times this year.
“Inside my body,’’ Johnston said, “I’ve felt like I just wanted to break down, and explode, and scream.’’
Instead, Johnston took to the woods with seven other veterans in a program coordinated by the Department of Veterans Affairs and a nationwide nonprofit group called Project Healing Waters.
read more here and see video
Veterans find some peace where the river runs deep
Far from the battlefield but still in pain, they seek refuge
By Brian MacQuarrie
Globe Staff
August 1, 2010
UPTON, Maine — Under a canopy of towering pines, the fly-fishermen snap their arms forward, over and over, with balletic finesse. The men, who bear scars you can see and scars you can’t, focus solely on their lines, as the rhythm of the river runs through them.
Here on the banks of the Rapid River, deep in the woods of far western Maine, these veterans have found refuge from the wars that still haunt them.
“It’s the flow,’’ Army veteran John Rogers, a paraplegic since 2004, said of the river’s medicine. “It’s the sound. Continual, eternal . . . soothing.’’
They have come for the quiet repetition of fly-fishing, and also for each other, new comrades still struggling after service in Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan. During a week at Forest Lodge here, they sleep in bunks, swap stories around a campfire, and learn fishing techniques from volunteer guides, almost all of whom are also veterans.
They arrive as strangers and leave as friends.
“The last weeks, I’ve been having a real tough time,’’ said Alan Johnston, an Army veteran from Windsor, Maine, whose body and life were shattered by an Iraqi suicide bomber in 2004. “But coming out here with the vets is the best therapy there is.’’
Johnston, who received a medal from General David Petraeus for saving lives while wounded, has lost portions of his lungs, endured multiple operations, battled depression, and expects to visit doctors about 250 times this year.
“Inside my body,’’ Johnston said, “I’ve felt like I just wanted to break down, and explode, and scream.’’
Instead, Johnston took to the woods with seven other veterans in a program coordinated by the Department of Veterans Affairs and a nationwide nonprofit group called Project Healing Waters.
read more here and see video
Veterans find some peace where the river runs deep
Max Cleland faced PTSD from Vietnam
Decades later, Max Cleland faced PTSD from Vietnam
By DEBORAH CIRCELLI, Staff Writer
The unwavering voice of a U.S. senator echoed through the halls of Walter Reed Army Medical Center from a video. The senator encouraged the newly wounded soldiers to "get strong at the broken places" and "turn their scars into stars."
Max Cleland, the former senator and Stetson University alumnus, should know. He survived the unthinkable, losing his legs and right arm in a grenade explosion in Vietnam.
And at the same time the video of him played on that day four years ago, Cleland was in another office receiving counseling for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) -- about 36 years after first being saved in the same hospital and patched together from his physical war injuries.
"It's like the flip side of my life. On one side of the wall, there I was on the video saying how you can overcome and on the other side of the wall, I'm crying like a baby," Cleland, 67, said in a phone interview.
He shared insight into his experience in his book, "Heart of a Patriot," which includes his struggle with PTSD. The pain and depression of losing his legs and right arm in Vietnam in 1968 was something he buried deep inside. It came to the surface when his life went awry after losing his Senate re-election bid in a bitter battle in 2002.
read more here
Max Cleland faced PTSD from Vietnam
Healing and family are next missions for Afghanistan vet
Healing and family are next missions for Afghanistan vet from Lake Worth
By John Lantigua
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
WASHINGTON — U.S. Army paratrooper Travis Brown of Lake Worth is bursting with frustration.
He is 21, with a 6-foot-4-inch body full of broken bones - including a pelvis fractured in eight places and shattered legs. A foot-long scar that looks like the stitching on a football descends from his chest to his belly, where his spleen was removed.
Ten of his teeth are broken and he wears a pirate patch over his left eye because powerful medications have given him double vision. His nose looks normal, but only because military surgeons did a good job sewing it back on.
He is in bed, restless but immobile, and desperate to convince the people around him at Walter Reed Army Medical Center that today, the meds aren't working well. Simply by touching him they are causing him excruciating pain.
"It's your fingertips," he utters through his clenched remaining teeth to veteran physical therapist Arnette Smith, who is gently moving his left leg.
"Don't you understand? Your fingertips are hurting me."
Brown is a tough, brave, idealistic young man who pictured himself fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. But he never did engage the enemy.
Frustration and pain are about all he has known since he was deployed there on April 30. In that respect, he is much like the nation as a whole when it comes to the war.
read more here
Healing and family are next missions
By John Lantigua
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
WASHINGTON — U.S. Army paratrooper Travis Brown of Lake Worth is bursting with frustration.
He is 21, with a 6-foot-4-inch body full of broken bones - including a pelvis fractured in eight places and shattered legs. A foot-long scar that looks like the stitching on a football descends from his chest to his belly, where his spleen was removed.
Ten of his teeth are broken and he wears a pirate patch over his left eye because powerful medications have given him double vision. His nose looks normal, but only because military surgeons did a good job sewing it back on.
He is in bed, restless but immobile, and desperate to convince the people around him at Walter Reed Army Medical Center that today, the meds aren't working well. Simply by touching him they are causing him excruciating pain.
"It's your fingertips," he utters through his clenched remaining teeth to veteran physical therapist Arnette Smith, who is gently moving his left leg.
"Don't you understand? Your fingertips are hurting me."
Brown is a tough, brave, idealistic young man who pictured himself fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. But he never did engage the enemy.
Frustration and pain are about all he has known since he was deployed there on April 30. In that respect, he is much like the nation as a whole when it comes to the war.
read more here
Healing and family are next missions
Living with PTSD like living on a roller coaster
by
Chaplain Kathie
Maj. Gen. William Grimsley, Fort Hood Acting Senior Commander wrote a piece on the rise of domestic violence at Fort Hood. Spike in domestic violence at Fort Hood.
First, if there is domestic violence in your home, get out, call the police and be safe. You can't fix this on your own no matter how much you may know, how much you love them or how much you remember they loved you. If they have changed from gentle and loving, there is something very deep and dark going on inside of them. If there was never any indication of violent outbursts from them, more than likely you're dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There is another kind of domestic violence that is not intentional. Many veterans have ended up being arrested for domestic violence because they were in the middle of a nightmare and their wife tried to wake them up by shaking them and hollering at them. They had no clue where they were or that the hand on them was not from some enemy in the middle of battle. Wives have ended up with broken noses and black eyes because no one told them to get out of bed before they attempted to wake up a veteran in the middle of a nightmare.
There are a lot of things they do that appear to be domestic violence but turn out to be part of PTSD controlled over reactions.
Living with PTSD in the house is like living on a roller coaster. It's a ride that is much easier to just get off of. You want to stand on firm ground and be living a normal life again. You see the carriage going up and up as your heart beats fast because you can't see where it is going. You know that sooner or later you're going to go down very fast as you fear crashing to the earth. Nothing makes sense anymore. Mood swings make the day totally unpredictable.
One minute they are calm and sitting there drinking coffee and the next, their hand shakes. Their soulful eyes become dark and lifeless. Their face suddenly appears to be hard as their facial muscles become tense. A flashback fueled volcano rises to the top and they explode. The trigger was something as simple as seeing the date on the calendar, when "it" happened. An anniversary date snuck up on them once again and there was no way for them to prepare because no one ever warned them.
26 years after I married my best friend and got on this ride, I can't honestly say I have no regrets. I regret the times when all of this just seemed too hard and I wanted leave especially now that the huge roller coaster rides have been downsized to a kiddy ride. Sure we have ups and downs still but our "normal" is something we're used to. It is not until I receive emails from wives new to all of this that my heart breaks remembering all the dark days.
This is what I sent to the wife of a Vietnam Vet. I don't normally get this preachy but they are involved with ministry.
What this wife cannot see is how much has been possible with her husband because she was helping him heal. She learned about PTSD, asked questions about what she didn't understand and opened up about what they were going through. She has abundant faith in Christ and knows that miracles happen everyday, but what she needs to be reminded of is Christ often sets us up for where He wants us to go. It's up to us to stay on the ride or walk away. It is up to us to forgive and understand or hang onto anger seeking revenge for what we feel we were denied.
As a wife, there are certain things we feel we are entitled to. Love and respect are often taken away when PTSD takes over. It's not that they don't want to still show us love or treat us with respect. It's more that they can't. Not when PTSD has taken over and all the good feelings are frozen behind the wall of pain. While no one would blame us for hanging onto the bad feelings, our choice is to hang onto them or grab onto knowledge so that we can understand what changed them and what we can do to help them heal. It's our choice.
It's often easier for me to work with the veteran than it is to work with the spouse. I was an observer in my husband's life. I understood the flashback and the nightmares but I didn't feel them the way he did. I understood what Vietnam did to him but I don't understand what it felt like. Working with the spouse, I know what it feels like and I'm taken back to my own dark days when pain seemed to be the only feeling I was capable of. I remember the days and nights of prayer without finding the words to express anything yet somehow knowing God heard me when a calm rushed through my body and the tears suddenly stopped. I knew I wasn't alone and no matter what I faced I was safe in the arms of His Son.
The choice is our's to stay and we can once we understand this is something we didn't deserve any more than they deserved this to happen to them. They did not bring this on themselves but their level of compassion opened the door to this kind of pain. The very thing that made us fall in love with them was destroying them. It is all still in there and we can help it grow stronger than the pain. What we find at the end up this roller coaster ride is someone more loving and caring than we ever dreamed possible. God works wonders when love is behind what we try to do and we are not alone.
He held my heart just as He does now. When the world tells me what I have is not normal, I thank God for it. How could a marriage to a PTSD veteran be considered normal by anyone? A nation with over 300 million people has less than 24 million veterans and even less have seen combat. What do they know about any of this? What do they know about the magnificent soul in any of them "willing to lay down their lives for the sake of their friends" as we know them? What does the world know about battles being fought everyday in our homes when they were not interested in the battles they fought in Korea,Vietnam, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Beirut, Afghanistan or Iraq? What does the world know about unselfish love that seeks nothing for self but everything for someone else?
We can go to church and hear the sermon about devotion, love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness and the love of Christ and actually know what the pastor is talking about. We've lived it because we allowed Him to guide us, strengthen us and help us heal.
We know what it's like when the uniforms come off and together we can stand strong against all odds. Half of the regular marriages end in divorce so the odds of us staying married with PTSD in the house are not very good, but if we made it this far, we've already beaten the odds. This tiny minority of this nation's people are stronger than they will ever understand because we stand side by side ready to help each other thru any trial.
Reading this blog, you've read how many stories about veterans coming home and ending up setting up support groups for other veterans, starting charities to help others, volunteering at shelters and churches? This few others understand and it's something I wouldn't miss for the world. This ride came with a high price of admission but it is one ride I am glad I got on. I know I'm safe in His arms just as I am safe with my husband's love.
Chaplain Kathie
Maj. Gen. William Grimsley, Fort Hood Acting Senior Commander wrote a piece on the rise of domestic violence at Fort Hood. Spike in domestic violence at Fort Hood.
First, if there is domestic violence in your home, get out, call the police and be safe. You can't fix this on your own no matter how much you may know, how much you love them or how much you remember they loved you. If they have changed from gentle and loving, there is something very deep and dark going on inside of them. If there was never any indication of violent outbursts from them, more than likely you're dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There is another kind of domestic violence that is not intentional. Many veterans have ended up being arrested for domestic violence because they were in the middle of a nightmare and their wife tried to wake them up by shaking them and hollering at them. They had no clue where they were or that the hand on them was not from some enemy in the middle of battle. Wives have ended up with broken noses and black eyes because no one told them to get out of bed before they attempted to wake up a veteran in the middle of a nightmare.
There are a lot of things they do that appear to be domestic violence but turn out to be part of PTSD controlled over reactions.
Living with PTSD in the house is like living on a roller coaster. It's a ride that is much easier to just get off of. You want to stand on firm ground and be living a normal life again. You see the carriage going up and up as your heart beats fast because you can't see where it is going. You know that sooner or later you're going to go down very fast as you fear crashing to the earth. Nothing makes sense anymore. Mood swings make the day totally unpredictable.
One minute they are calm and sitting there drinking coffee and the next, their hand shakes. Their soulful eyes become dark and lifeless. Their face suddenly appears to be hard as their facial muscles become tense. A flashback fueled volcano rises to the top and they explode. The trigger was something as simple as seeing the date on the calendar, when "it" happened. An anniversary date snuck up on them once again and there was no way for them to prepare because no one ever warned them.
26 years after I married my best friend and got on this ride, I can't honestly say I have no regrets. I regret the times when all of this just seemed too hard and I wanted leave especially now that the huge roller coaster rides have been downsized to a kiddy ride. Sure we have ups and downs still but our "normal" is something we're used to. It is not until I receive emails from wives new to all of this that my heart breaks remembering all the dark days.
This is what I sent to the wife of a Vietnam Vet. I don't normally get this preachy but they are involved with ministry.
I know you are in a place where it seems everything is impossible and it hurts, but "all things are possible for God" and He's proven that to me many times.
Right now I am facing very hard times, financially and emotionally. I struggle with times when I try so hard to remember all the times God bailed me out of trouble and wondering where He is right now. I've been in these darks days before yet remember when the sunlight warmed my soul and I knew He was there all the time.
There were times when my husband's PTSD brought me shaking down on my knees feeling absolutely hopeless and helpless. I prayed for him to be healed. So that one morning I'd wake up and have him back to the way he was when we met. I wanted God to do it because it just felt so right that He did, but I couldn't see tomorrow. I had no idea that while I was waiting for Him to heal my husband, He was working on both of us.
I do what I do because He helped me grow by His grace and love. I went from the darkness of praying my husband not come back home from another day of drinking to having him take my hand in the grocery store telling me "you're my best friend" because he finally understood all I did was for him. I put him into God's hands and got out of the way at the same time God used me to help him.
We are only human. We have needs and wants just like everyone else. No one would ever deliberately choose a marriage like this because with all the normal problems, this kind of marriage comes with an abundance of struggles. Don't beat yourself up over being a normal woman/wife. Even after all these years, I still pop my cork now and then because I am just human. I hear people complain about the simple, normal issues with their husbands and I wonder what they would do if they had just part of what life is like with a PTSD veteran.
The thing is, there was a day that came, after the diagnosis for PTSD, six years of struggling to keep him alive while his claim was being denied, more diagnosis tied to Agent Orange and believing nothing would ever get better, when suddenly it did.
(He) is at the point he is because you were there to help him. He will get past that point and even better because you are there with the Lord standing right by your side. What you may not notice is you will be there for others because these "dangerous toils and snares" are teaching you so that you will be one of the pastors not turning away this new generation seeking help and you will be there to help their families.
What is happening right now with the National Guards and Reservists is that in June, one committed suicide each day. We lost over 30 to suicide. They are struggling and most churches refuse to help. Most of them have PTSD, TBI and other health issues going on plus a family falling apart because they have nowhere to turn and no one to give them hope. You've been through the fire and your heart will welcome them. When (he) is feeling better, he'll join you in this because he is another one who understands the pain but will again know the rejoicing in the arms of God.
What this wife cannot see is how much has been possible with her husband because she was helping him heal. She learned about PTSD, asked questions about what she didn't understand and opened up about what they were going through. She has abundant faith in Christ and knows that miracles happen everyday, but what she needs to be reminded of is Christ often sets us up for where He wants us to go. It's up to us to stay on the ride or walk away. It is up to us to forgive and understand or hang onto anger seeking revenge for what we feel we were denied.
As a wife, there are certain things we feel we are entitled to. Love and respect are often taken away when PTSD takes over. It's not that they don't want to still show us love or treat us with respect. It's more that they can't. Not when PTSD has taken over and all the good feelings are frozen behind the wall of pain. While no one would blame us for hanging onto the bad feelings, our choice is to hang onto them or grab onto knowledge so that we can understand what changed them and what we can do to help them heal. It's our choice.
It's often easier for me to work with the veteran than it is to work with the spouse. I was an observer in my husband's life. I understood the flashback and the nightmares but I didn't feel them the way he did. I understood what Vietnam did to him but I don't understand what it felt like. Working with the spouse, I know what it feels like and I'm taken back to my own dark days when pain seemed to be the only feeling I was capable of. I remember the days and nights of prayer without finding the words to express anything yet somehow knowing God heard me when a calm rushed through my body and the tears suddenly stopped. I knew I wasn't alone and no matter what I faced I was safe in the arms of His Son.
The choice is our's to stay and we can once we understand this is something we didn't deserve any more than they deserved this to happen to them. They did not bring this on themselves but their level of compassion opened the door to this kind of pain. The very thing that made us fall in love with them was destroying them. It is all still in there and we can help it grow stronger than the pain. What we find at the end up this roller coaster ride is someone more loving and caring than we ever dreamed possible. God works wonders when love is behind what we try to do and we are not alone.
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
But you're not alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Gives sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet?
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
No, you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise?
So hear Him now, He's calling you home
You will never be alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
These are the hands that built the mountains
The hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
They are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
To break our chains and set us free
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms, safe in His arms
Safe in His arms
You will be safe, you will be safe
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
http://www.songlyrics.com/phil-wickham/safe-lyrics/
He held my heart just as He does now. When the world tells me what I have is not normal, I thank God for it. How could a marriage to a PTSD veteran be considered normal by anyone? A nation with over 300 million people has less than 24 million veterans and even less have seen combat. What do they know about any of this? What do they know about the magnificent soul in any of them "willing to lay down their lives for the sake of their friends" as we know them? What does the world know about battles being fought everyday in our homes when they were not interested in the battles they fought in Korea,Vietnam, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Beirut, Afghanistan or Iraq? What does the world know about unselfish love that seeks nothing for self but everything for someone else?
We can go to church and hear the sermon about devotion, love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness and the love of Christ and actually know what the pastor is talking about. We've lived it because we allowed Him to guide us, strengthen us and help us heal.
We know what it's like when the uniforms come off and together we can stand strong against all odds. Half of the regular marriages end in divorce so the odds of us staying married with PTSD in the house are not very good, but if we made it this far, we've already beaten the odds. This tiny minority of this nation's people are stronger than they will ever understand because we stand side by side ready to help each other thru any trial.
Reading this blog, you've read how many stories about veterans coming home and ending up setting up support groups for other veterans, starting charities to help others, volunteering at shelters and churches? This few others understand and it's something I wouldn't miss for the world. This ride came with a high price of admission but it is one ride I am glad I got on. I know I'm safe in His arms just as I am safe with my husband's love.
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