PTSD is change, change again
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 1, 2014
Another month of Suicide Awareness has come and gone leaving most of us wondering why they had it at all. What good did it do last year or the year before?
Frankly, talking about suicides is not just heartbreaking, it is downright frightening. No one wants to talk about the fact so many veterans find combat less dangerous than being back home.
So many come home expecting to just get over it. What they do not understand is that combat is ingrained within the emotional part of their brain. If they are exposed to it before the age of 25 when their mind is full "mature" then it is part of them. The good news is more veterans find a way out of the darkness.
You don't read much about families like mine living with PTSD but last night we went out for dinner to celebrate our 30th anniversary. 30 years later we still hold hands, talk on the phone because we want to when we are away from each other and look forward to the end of the day when we can spend time just kicking back and relaxing.
We are not that odd. We know a lot of couples married even longer than us.
Maybe you're wondering how we did it but you'd be missing the fact this all started when nothing was being done on PTSD and veteran still felt as if they had to be ashamed of having PTSD. We didn't have the internet but somehow managed to find other families like ours. We shared the same type of backgrounds and struggles but we also shared what worked. We learned from others and were willing to share with others after that.
I read about the suicides and my heart breaks for the families. They still blames themselves for what happened even though they just didn't know anything else to do. Maybe if we start talking about what can be done we can change the outcome of what hasn't been working.
First, be determined to learn what PTSD is and stop finding excuses to not do it. I had to learn over 30 years ago but had to actually go to a library to do it. No self help books back then so I had to read clinical books with a huge dictionary by my side. You have the internet and millions of results for what you are looking for. This is a battle of life away from death. Take it seriously. Spend more time on this than playing the stupid computer game to get your mind off your troubles. If you do this then your mind will be focused on doing something to reduce those troubles.
Did you know that more veterans defeat PTSD than lose to it? Think about the fact there are about 23 million veterans in this country yet the average is 22 a day losing their fight. It isn't that they hurt less than you but more about they found what they needed to heal what they could and what they couldn't, they figured out how to deal with it day by day.
It has to be done mentally, physically and spiritually and all three start with that giant computer in your brain instead of a laptop.
Educate
PTSD hit you because you were there when "it" happened and survived it.
It hit you harder because you feel things more than others. In other words, you have stronger emotions than others but that doesn't mean you're soft. Many Medal of Honor Heroes admit having PTSD.
Find a psychologist/psychiatrist you trust and be honest with them. If you just got out of the military you get 5 years of free care even without a claim so no more excuses for not going.
Think of your body. It had to be taught to be on alert and push way past the pain threshold you thought you could do. It has to be trained to relax now. Look up online videos on part of you. Yoga, martial arts, walking, swimming, music, art, you name it, there are videos to show you how to do it. Find what you think you'll like, get some practice at home so you don't feel out of place then join a group. Get out with people again. Don't just do it at home.
Food is a huge issue to on your mood. Stop eating fast food and junk food all the time and get some fruits and vegetables in your stomach. Your body went through hell and needs help to recover. I'm not saying you can't have junk but not every meal. For heaven's sake, everyone knows you are what you eat, so I'd be dessert. I get it. I work too and limited on time but try really hard to eat one good thing a day.
I saved spiritually for last since I bet you thought about "church" but you were wrong. Take religion out of this. Nothing wrong with it and frankly most of the time it is great to go but this is between you and God on a personal level. If you have trouble with that consider that Christ prayed outside most of the time and usually alone.
You cannot find peace of mind. It has to be created. You have to forgive other people and yourself. Both are equally draining. It takes a lot of work to be able to do it but the hardest one is forgiving yourself.
Try to remember what happened and why it happened then take a look, an honest look at what you could have done differently. Most of the time there was nothing else you could have done and if there was then forgive yourself for not thinking about it at the time.
Find groups! Not online. Face to face where you can be around other veterans. That is where you will be understood and know that you are not alone. If you have been isolating for a long time, this can be hard but you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. You can start online but far too often the groups are run without any consequences for what is typed. If you find a group online that is actually helpful, then it is ok but if not, don't give up on finding a place where you feel comfortable.
We did it when no one was noticing. We're still doing it and you can too! Change what the letters PTSD mean to you then understand you can change again for the better!
