Sunday, December 25, 2016

PTSD Suicide Awareness Same As Empty Box For Christmas

PTSD Awareness Nothing More Than Empty Box with Pretty Packaging
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 25, 2016

When I think about all the results of a decade of folks running around the country screaming they are raising awareness about veterans committing suicide, it may all look pretty but in fact, there is nothing inside of what they are willing to give.

This morning I was thinking about how some things are not what they appear to be. I have a regular day job in an office within a cubical. One of the departments has taken an empty cubical and filled it with boxes wrapped in Christmas paper. There are stacks of gifts that look pretty but have nothing else to offer. After Christmas, the paper will be taken off, thrown away and the boxes will be recycled. There will be no traces of joy left behind, nor reminders of the fact someone cared enough to think of the what was within the wrapping.
Everyday more and more veterans have only one wish, that the next day would be better than their last worst day. One reason to reach out one more time at the glimmer of hope before their eyes. What they, too often, discover is that glimmer turns out to be nothing more than the metal tips at the end of a taser gun. The pain they felt is still there but it hurts even more knowing there is no hope in the hype being sold as help.

What good do push-ups do them? No help for them but plenty of feel-good moments for the folks lining up to do them. What good does it do to write a check to support the talk about what someone thinks if happening when talking is free? What good does it do to set up a Facebook group with thousands of followers if the only support being given boils down to "I'll pray for you" which again, is free. 

The doers simply do not want to invest the time of researching what the veterans really need. They do not shop around for the best help available and support that work already being done. They probably know more about their cell phone than they do about how to save a life.

Every time you argue with these folks and try to ask them to specify exactly what their goal is, they respond with "raising awareness" yet do not even know the basics. Asked who they are trying to raise awareness to and they reply with "veterans." Yet somehow they missed the part about veterans already know they are killing themselves but what they do not know is how to stay alive.

I did not start out over three decades ago to make this my life mission. All I wanted to do was figure out what I was getting into when I met a Vietnam veteran. I had to fill my head with facts before I opened my mouth, so I sat in the library with stacks of clinical books and a dictionary. The more knowledge I gained, the more I knew why he had PTSD along with millions of more veterans the average citizen had no clue about.

Back then, there were plenty of folks, just like me spreading the word. Backed up with enough facts to offer comfort, understanding and above all else, hope that healing was possible. It was harder then because we did not have computers or cell phones. We used hand written letters to the editors of newspapers and eventually, other researchers, used typewriters to write books before bookstores had self-help sections.

The key in all of this is, back then it was actually producing better results considering there were a millions more veterans still alive in the country. For proof of this, you need to look at the study from the Department of Veterans Affairs on the all too often quote of "22 a day" veterans committing suicide.


So, if you really want to do something about saving their lives, stop talking and start learning. Stop offering empty stunts to get attention for yourself when they have been forgotten. Stop supporting stuffing when they keep suffering. If saving their lives is actually as important to you as you claim, then invest the time to prove it and then, only then, will you actually do something to save the "one too many" everyone keeps talking about.

The results produced in the last decade are more despicable than re-gifting last years fruitcake and expecting it to be appreciated by the recipient when they rush to the bathroom.

Surviving sadness at Christmas

Surviving sadness at Christmas
by Kathie Costos
Wounded Times Blog
December 20, 2012

When Christmas comes the images we see are of happy families, gathering together to open gifts and eat huge meals. We see them going shopping, wrapping gifts, writing out addresses on cards to people to let them know they are thinking of them in this season of "love" and all is right with the world. If you think that is what Christmas is then you won't want to read anymore of this. For too many families, Christmas is not a happy time.

Fifty years ago, I went to see Santa just like every other kid in America. I was thinking about toys because that was what my Mom told me he gave. I didn't ask him for the miracle my family needed. I don't remember what I asked him for, but I bet I asked him for a baby doll since that is what is sitting next to me in the next picture. It was 1962.
This is what Christmas looked like for me and my two brothers. My oldest brother Nick is sitting on the sofa and Warren is on the floor with me. If you think we didn't look too happy, we weren't. Our family was not what most families were but at age of 3 I didn't know that. To me, it was the only "normal" I knew.

We didn't have much money but my Mom did the best she could to buy us what we wanted, what she thought would make us happy even if it was just for a little while. She knew our lives were hard. My Dad was an angry alcoholic at that time. I didn't know other Dads were not like that until I got older and had more friends.

Nick was sweet and smart. He was my hero. He was always there, watching over me. Considering I was always getting into some kind of trouble, he had his hands full. I kept wondering who would be watching over him when I could hear him crying in our room. Three of us had to share the bedroom since we didn't have enough money to buy a house. We lived in an apartment in my uncle's house.

I thought if we had enough money, then we'd be happy and my Dad wouldn't be so mad all the time. I was wrong. By the time my parents bought their first house, my Dad had become violent. He beat my brother Nick most of the time and broke things around the house when he got an argument with my Mom. By then I knew that the way we lived was far from "normal" and I wanted what everyone else had.

In the summer of 1963 my family went to a drive-in movie. One of the things we did together that was a happy time. My Mom made bags of popcorn and we put on our pajamas, piled into the station wagon with our pillows and had our adventure.

When my Mom went to buy sodas, my Dad stayed in the car and my brothers took me to the play ground areas. I wasn't allowed to go into the big kids area by myself. One night, I got away from them, headed to the huge slide, climbed to the top and suddenly I realized it was terrifying without my brother Nick. I froze at the top, clinging to the hand rails. The kid behind me was yelling at me to go, but I couldn't. He pushed me hard on my right side and I went over the left side of the slide. I fell head first onto the concrete. Nick found me laying on the ground and thought I was dead.

Long story short, after the hospital stay, my scull was cracked and I had what we now know as traumatic brain injury. I couldn't talk right anymore but no one connected the changes I went through to the accident.

Things at home were better for a long time. My Dad wasn't drinking much and I wasn't waking up in the middle of the night crying because of the fights. Then it all started again. By Christmas, I wanted peace back so I bashed my head against the wall over and over to try and crack it again thinking my Dad would stop hating and start loving again.

Growing up I looked like everyone else but did not live like everyone else. My Dad stopped drinking when I was 13. He never drank after that. He had a lot of heart attacks and strokes but said he wasn't going to put his family through that again. He passed away at 58. My brother Warren died in his 40's, Nick died at 56 and my Mom passed away at 85.

I've had some years when there was plenty of money to buy gifts and send boxes of Christmas cards out just as I've had years when there was not enough money to pay bills. When most people went to the malls and checked sales, I avoided them.

If you are having a hard time this Christmas, know you are not alone. Here is some advice for surviving sadness at Christmas.

First remember that just because we celebrate the birth of Christ on December 25th, it is not the day he was born and it is not the day the wise men showed up with gifts. Joseph and Mary didn't buy Jesus gifts. They gave Him love. He was born into poverty and spent His three years preaching living as a homeless man depending on the kindness of strangers while giving gifts far beyond the tangible. He gave healing, hope and compassion that lasted well beyond a day. He didn't celebrate Christmas but He did celebrate life even though He knew how His life would end and when.

Some want to pretend that the way Christ was crucified was not the way His time on earth was supposed to end. They are missing the real powerful reality of He knew exactly how much He was going to suffer and exactly how many people would turn against Him but he still healed the sick, made the blind see, preached about loving and compassion even though He knew none of that would be there for Him in the end. John was the only friend staying by His side when the rest abandoned Him. His last words were about forgiving.

Christmas shouldn't be about buying gifts or regretting we don't have any to give. It should be about what true love is and what we give that cannot be bought, broken or worn out. It is about giving real love.

There was a time when I thought people really cared about me when my mailbox was full of cards and people showing they were thinking of me. Much like growing up was different than how it seemed, so were these empty thoughts. When I sent out a lot of cards, I got a lot back. The last few years have been financially hard and there hasn't been extra money for cards or stamps. This year I received a total of 5 cards. That made me stop and think about how foolish I had been thinking the world would fall apart if I didn't buy stuff for other people.

They don't care any more or less of me than they would otherwise. Most of the people I know don't really know me, what I do, how I feel, what I need or what I want out of life any more than I know them. Just as it was when I was a kid, normal for one family is not normal for others. Stop thinking that this one day means more than any other day.

Christ should live in our hearts, our deeds, our giving what we have to those in need in great and small ways as long as it is done with love. When you give anything, expect nothing back other than the feeling you get inside doing it. Don't think that you will matter more or less to the people in your life who do really care about you. If you have pain, share it because someone out there will know exactly what you're talking about and feeling just as alone as you do while no one else will understand. Let them know you do understand and give them a gift that will help the rest of their lives.

My gift to you is forgiveness. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were in your life anymore than I did as a child. You are not responsible for what other people do anymore than I was. Let go of what happened in your own lives by making peace with it and forgive people who harmed you as well as yourself. You are not just some name in an address book that gets pulled out once a year with a check box indicating you sent them a card last year. The people in your life are in your life everyday. The friends you have were strangers at one time, so if you ran out of friends, there is a stranger today that can be your friend tomorrow. What you think is "normal" for everyone else is not really what it seems so stop thinking everyone else is happy, surrounded by love and an abundance of all they want.

I looked like every other kid 50 years ago and asked Santa for what all girls my age asked for but I needed a lot more than he could deliver. What I got sustained me through every heartache and hardship. I got hope that tomorrow will be better than this day and if not, then yesterday didn't destroy me. I survived it then and can do it again today. So can you.

92 Lost in Black Sea Russian Military Plane Crash

No apparent survivors in deadly Russian plane crash
CNN
By Max Blau
Updated 6:02 AM ET, Sun December 25, 2016

(CNN)A Russian military plane reported missing Sunday with 92 people aboard has crashed, leaving no apparent survivors and a trail of plane wreckage in the Black Sea near Sochi, according to the Russian Defense Ministry.
A Tupolev Tu-154 plane that was carrying 84 passengers and eight crew members disappeared from radar Sunday morning local time after taking off from the Adler airport near the Black Sea city, state-run RIA Novosti news agency reported.

The plane, which first took off from Moscow, was headed to the Russian Hmeymim airbase in Latakia, Syria, where the country has a large military presence, for a concert ahead of New Year's Eve, a source told Russia's state news agency Tass.
read more here

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Bar Angels Buy Home For Homeless Navy Veteran

Bar owners buy house for homeless Alabama veteran
AL.com
William Thornton
on December 23, 2016

By the time Mark Holman showed up at Blu's Karaoke Bar in Anniston this September, 2016 had already been rough.
Daniel and Cynthia Mosley own Blu's Karaoke Bar in Saks
But the year is ending on a higher note, as the once homeless Naval veteran is living in his own home, thanks to donations and some timely intervention.

"It shows you there's still some good people in America," Holman said. "It ain't all about stuff. There's people who want to know how they can help you out."

In January, the 55-year-old Naval veteran had a stroke. Then he could no longer afford the monthly payments on his Jacksonville home. He spent time at the Anniston Salvation Army shelter until his money ran out. Then he made him home in a wooded area in Saks.

The day of the Alabama-Ole Miss game, Holman came into the bar and ordered water, still carrying his backpack.
read more here

Iraq Homeless Veteran, Father of Six Got Help Going Home

Army veteran, a homeless father of 6 gets help to come home for holidays
WPRI 12 News
By Walt Buteau
Published: December 23, 2016
Specialist Hicks spent 18 months in Iraq with the 133rd Field Artillery Regiment. But risking his life while serving his country brought no guarantees when he came home.
PROVIDENCE, RI (WPRI) Not even the Army could prepare Specialist Stephen Hicks for the curveball life threw at him.

He stepped off a bus in Kennedy Plaza, and immediately began counting heads and collecting luggage.

“They all seem pretty happy today,” Hicks said, looking around at his children. “This is Lexxi. She’s my oldest.”

The oldest of six, ages 2 through Lexxi’s 8, with 5-year old twins somewhere in the middle. Lexxi did her best to help her dad control the other five during the long bus ride from Pennsylvania.

“I was trying,” Lexxi said. “It wasn’t easy but we’re here.”

Both dad and daughter mustered a smile.
read more here

Lt. Col. Stephen "Slade" Mount Stands As Example of Healing PTSD

Spirit of service guides Marines dealing with physical, mental wounds
The San Diego Union Tribune
Carl Prine
December 23, 2016
All devout Christians, these three Marines see Christmas as more than the day to honor the birth of Christ, the man they believe to be the son of God. It also reminds them that their savior’s life and suffering should guide their lives year-round.
Lt. Col. Stephen "Slade" Mount, holding the flight helmet he wore when he was wounded in 2004, is now commander of Wounded Warrior Battalion West at Camp Pendleton. (Nelvin C. Cepeda * Union-Tribune)
Blinded, slumped next to his crumpled chopper at the foot of Iraq’s Najaf cemetery, Stephen “Slade” Mount cupped his gunshot face to keep it from oozing into the street.

He knew he’d never pilot a Huey again. But he never could’ve predicted on that brutal day in 2004 that he’d recover sight in one eye, carve out a long career in the Marine Corps and come to think — in a strange but comforting way — of his terrible wound as a kind of gift.

“I actually became a better Marine officer,” the Southern California native said.
For senior military leaders, he has another message: “Be ready for what you ask for, but be that leader who can show other Marines that it’s OK to ask for help.”
read more here

Offering Hope, PTSD Suicide Survivor Opens Up on Healing

Suicide survivor has message for those facing depression
CBS 7 News
By Stephanie Bennett
Dec 23, 2016
Although Bray admits she still struggles with depression, it’s her faith, counseling, and spending time with her family and dog, Snappy, that keeps her going.
ANDREWS -- The military and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder are often associated, but after an Army career that ended many years ago, an Andrews woman was just recently diagnosed with PTSD, but not for the reason you may think.

Lora Bray remembers her days in the Army as some of the most fun times of her life.

But then, a culmination of losses and tragedies took over her life, and she became very depressed.

Back in August she even attempted suicide but survived.

Now, she has a message for anyone going through depression.

But first, let’s rewind the clock to the day she tried taking her life:

“I didn't want anybody to know where I was at, so I went to a little farm road, took some pills, I just wanted to die,” Bray said.

While several Andrews residents assisted in looking for her, it was ranchers who eventually found Bray unconscious in her car.

She was then hospitalized and later diagnosed with PTSD.
read more here

Staff Sgt. Shilo Harris, Combat Wounded Soldier Feeling Blessed

Austin film crew bringing veteran's life to the big screen
FOX 7 News
Elizabeth Saab
December 23, 2016
“There are blessings out there. There are better ways to live. There are other ways to live and if they're not living their lives, they need to start living their lives.” 
Staff Sergeant Shilo Harris
A film crew in Austin is chronicling the life of a U.S. Army Veteran who was seriously wounded in Iraq a decade ago.

Staff Sergeant Shilo Harris enlisted after 9/11. “I had two tours in Iraq,” he says. It was during his second tour “On February 19, 2007 we got a call to investigate a possible I.E.D.” Harris was traveling in a Humvee when it hit an I.E.D. “It literally erupted,” he says remembering that day, “700 pounds of explosives went off underneath the vehicle just blew the Humvee apart, shredded the vehicle and killed 3 of my soldiers.
read more here

5 Ways For Better Christmas With PTSD

5 ways to get through a blue Christmas
The (Clarksville, Tenn.) Leaf-Chronicle , WXIA
Tim Parrish
December 24, 2016
"They believe no one can understand their situations unless 'they have been there.’ Some suffer survivor’s guilt about why they survived but their buddy was killed in action." Rev. Jodi McCullah
For some people, Christmas is not all sweetness and light. (Photo: Getty Images)
Society has great expectations for people to have the perfect house, bake perfect cookies and show off the perfect family in Christmas letters, Facebook posts and Instagram photos.

But look more closely at the people you meet, and you might see expressions of grief and depression.

Sometimes, Christmas is a holiday to soldier through, and some people would rather escape from it.

“Christmas is normally a family time. It might be the only time for some people to get together,” said Henry Moore, a social worker and grief counselor at AseraCare Hospice in Clarksville, Tenn.

“If you are grieving over the death of a loved one, you might think being around lots of happy people would make you happy. That’s not how it works," he said. "Happy people only remind you of what you no longer have.”

While everyone deals with grief differently, Moore said a lot of common emotions come up at the holidays, and they often revolve around family traditions.

"A sense of hopelessness and despair are not uncommon," he said. "Sadness can be overwhelming at times when you see people or places once special to you and your loved, but now that person is gone.”

Grief isn't always about death. It can come from a divorce, losing a job or trying to adjust to life after being deployed in a combat zone.
1. Start new traditions but don’t throw out the old ones. Keep as many as you can.
2. Accept invitations to events and then attend them. Interacting with people can be difficult but important.
3. Be honest to close friends and family about how you're feeling about the holidays.
4. Include a place at the dinner table for a missing person.
5. ​Don't use alcohol or drugs to deal with emotional pain.
read more here

Kindness Melted Gulf War Veteran's Heart For Christmas

Veteran's family gets surprise
The Daily Item
By Justin Strawser
December 24, 2016
“There’s a lot of love in every package there,” DeFacis said.
Justin Strawser The Daily Item
Ray DeFacis, left, one of Santa's helpers in Sunbury and the co-founder of Santa's Miracle Gift of Giving, delivers presents to Anthony and Regina Fera, of Shamokin, on Friday morning.
SHAMOKIN —Anthony Fera and Ray DeFacis embraced Friday afternoon, tears in both their eyes, at the Chestnut Street home in Shamokin. Moments before, DeFacis and other volunteers dropped off dozens of presents to the Fera family of eight.

Fera, 41, a disabled Gulf War veteran who served in the U.S. Marine Corps, said the gesture from DeFacis and the Santa’s Miracle Gift of Giving to him, his wife and six children inspired him and melted his frozen heart.

“I’ll be honest, I’ve been bitter and becoming hard,” Fera said. “This renewed and rebirthed my giving spirit.”

DeFacis, who plays Santa Claus in Sunbury, is the co-founder of Santa’s Miracle Gift of Giving, a program that provides gifts and food for families across the Valley. The Fera family was one of four families who received a delivery from Santa and his helpers on Friday.

Fera and his wife, Regina Fera, 36, have one income and are raising six children: Joslynn, 14; Gabriel, 10; Joshua, 8; Leah-Marie, 6; Hannah, 4; and Autumn-Rose, 2. The family has two dogs: Snowball, a 4-year-old English golden retriever, and Athena, a 10-month-old English mastiff.

Regina Fera is a stay-at-home mother while her husband is a painter for a sub-contracting business, but work is slow in the winter months. Anthony Fera also experiences Post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety issues from combat, hearing loss from working with explosives during the war and is constant pain due to injuries from his current career. He does receive some benefits from the VA, but it’s not enough.
read more here